On losing confidence in your writing

Posted: July 7, 2015 in writing
Tags: , ,

Well I am in a funny place at the moment. We all go through times when we think our work is crap – I am going through such a time. I think its possible that because everything was moving at such a fast pace and i got an agent etc and I was flowing along with the hype. Now however things have slowed down and I keep waiting for my agent to call me and say “ive made a huge mistake” (In Will Arnett’s voice). Instead of giving up and throwing my computer in a bin and dousing it in petrol I have decided to just weather the storm and keep plodding along.

I literally hate every sentence that is coming out of me at the moment – I look over the crap I am writing with disdain – but i know – I KNOW that when i finish the first draft – the world will open up to me again and I can fix things in the editing phase – if i allow disillusionment to get the better of me then i will get stuck in another writers block. I refuse to let that happen. I go on holiday in 5 weeks and i would like to at least have the outline of the whole story done – but realistically I could do at least 25k words by then, as long as I allow the plot to come to me.

Its something that I have accepted, that at some point I will look over these words that i hate , words that are moving me closer to my goal – but one day I will read them and think – HMMM thats not that terrible and then hopefully i will be able to fix them. i think in every creative person there are strong forces of doubt, whether you write novels, poetry, draw, paint – whatever – not necessarily doubt in your skill, but maybe doubt in yourself.

I met up with some lovely ladies from my old writing group last week – they came to my new writing group – which went well – even though it was the hottest day or the year and the room we were in only had one window that opened a slither. the venue we were in had put some large jugs of water in the fridge for us which was really nice of them – and possibly life saving. I think I lost about 12kg in sweat.

What was interesting was that neither of the ladies had written anything since our last writing group had disbanded and they both seemed to have that lack of confidence in their work. we did a bit of flash fiction and mine was by no means briliant, but it was nice to write something outside of my novel for a change. i will post up the flash fiction when i get round to typing it up. As i was writing it I thought – urgh this is rubbish, this is rubbish this is rubbish. I know thats just my self doubt talking though. what i really need to do is read some badly written books that have been published – they always inspire me to be better!

Until next time

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