The Nightmare of having a Creative Mind

Posted: February 3, 2016 in creative writing, crime fiction, Uncategorized, writing fiction

Well – First world problems – Am I right?

If you’re a creative person – it’s probably not likely to change at any time soon.

Imagine sitting in a room with an artist, a seamstress, a baker, a writer, a photographer, a crafter, etc etc – now imagine instead its not a room at all but an arena where all of those people have to fight to the death to see who comes out on top – Yep.


I used to have a market stall in a little market near where I live where I sold things that I had made. Meanwhile on the side I was writing stories at home. When I had my market stall people would come up and say – Wow your stuff is great and then buy my stuff – or they would slyly take photos of my stuff and then try and recreate it themselves – or occasionally they would just poke it like it was a dead rat or something. All in all I never really did well on my Market stall.

Before that a friend and I decided to write a TV show – we wrote 15 episodes and tried to pitch it – with both of us being introverts it was quite hard to do. Instead we wrote a web-series to go with it – thats another story entirely.

Before that I used to make rockabilly petticoats and sell them on ebay – at the time I was trying to write a movie as well – this was about 12 years ago before the rockabilly thing became a big THING and now you cant move for rockabilly petticoats on ebay. I did ‘ok’ with the petticoats – but while I liked the finished products, I didnt really like the work. I enjoy creating in general.


I got so disheartened with that – I donated all the things I had made to a local charity shop and then decided to put away my sewing machine and concentrate on the writing – for while I like to make things: I LOVE to be writing. I thought long and hard about the best way to be a writer and I decided I wanted to write something that I wanted to read. I like reading crime thrillers and so I decided to write one of those – I was already a little way into my novel before I made that decision but while I was enjoying the story I was writing, I didn’t believe in it, it wasn’t something I would read. It was a bit boring.


I watched a load of crime thrillers, read some crime thrillers, had a really good think about writing a crime thriller and then I just got on with it. I cant even begin to tell you the number of projects I have started over the years and not finished – mainly because I didn’t believe in myself. I decided to ignore those nagging feelings and carry on writing.

This is where it gets tricky – I’ve had such an amazing response so far to what I have written that I started to believe all the hype. At the end of the day I’m just a regular person who decided to write a book.  It’s getting closer to my publication date and I don’t quite feel like an author yet – I feel like I’m just pretending.


However – I did write a book and it did get published. (or soon will be at least) I’m starting to get a trickle of opinions from people who don’t know me, who don’t know that I am not this remote entity with no feelings. In real life – and anyone who knows me will tell you this – I’m pretty laid back about what other people think of me. I felt vulnerable when I was letting people look at cushions I had made – amplify that by about a million and you would be close to how I feel about people reading my book.

Why the hell did I do this to myself? 




I’m not complaining – I made my choices. I knew it would come to this. I just need to take a deep breath and take it on the chin. I’m going to get bad reviews, I deliberately wrote a book that would appeal to me, and I’m a hard person to please – there are things I like that other people don’t, there are things other people like that I don’t. I cant get hung up on the negativity and just try and find a way to use the criticisms I get constructively.





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