Archive for June, 2016

I like a challenge, I particularly like a challenge when I watch TV. I like to not know everything that’s going to happen next. There have been things I have watched over the years that have truly shocked me, I like to be shocked – up to a point, there also has to be some kind of ‘hope’ at the end though. I really hate that feeling of futility after something really awful happens that there is no way back from. For example the deep fat fryer scene in spooks – that was too much. I literally stopped watching spooks after that – if it had been her hand, I probably could have coped – but her face in a fryer? No! that’s way too much, even for me.  I went back to spooks years after, after the entire show had finished and watched the rest.. I’m glad I did, it had some real moments of brilliance, especially with reference to Richard Armitage’s character and his motivations.


I go on about OZ a LOT. In terms of shock and awe it delivered in spades from episode to episode right from the very start. The series starts with Straight lawyer Tobias Beecher entering prison after killing a child while drunk driving – Oz Maximum security and being put in the experimental wing ‘EMERALD CITY’ – which – lets face it – isnt the greatest idea. Emerald city is a collection of glass rooms (cells) with slightly special privileges (but not really). When Beecher arrives he is targeted by the aryan Schillinger who warns him about his cell-mate – convincing Tobias to get moved into his cell with him, where he turns him into his ‘prag’ and burns a swastika into his buttock and systematically rapes him and humiliates him, trying to break him. Beechers psychological roller-coaster through the series is something to behold. This is the moment after the moment after he breaks – he fought back and blinded his rapist in the eye – now he is out of solitary…

Every episode has a moral or a story to tell, usually narrated in a semi beatnik/def poetry style.

I held my breath so many times during Oz, turned away many times, too. many of those times were thanks to Chris Meloni’s character Chris Keller – oh he was evil, but beautiful at the same time. This was a weird one for me as I didnt discover OZ until after I had seen many many episodes of Law and Order SVU – where Meloni is a righteous, catholic, alpha male and devoted husband and father. Keller is manipulative and you just never know what he’s going to do next – or what game he’s playing. He is like a walking hormone, too, can literally seduce anyone – evidenced by his manipulation of ‘Sister Pete’, the nun in the show.

There is a moment, when Keller has been working on Beecher for weeks, convincing him to trust him, bringing out feelings in Beecher that he didn’t know he could have for another man. There is a very homoerotic wrestling scene  (at 8 mins in the above video) that is full of tension, as we ‘the audience’ know that he is manipulating Beecher and watching Beecher fall for it is heartbreaking. But this is all just a prelude for whats to come. After Beecher finally admits his love for Keller and breaks his walls down again – then Keller reveals he is just doing it to repay a debt to Beecher’s nemesis the Aryan Schillinger – who he has been friends with for a long time. (8 mins in below video) this was a real *gasp* moment for me.

of course the joke is on Keller, because when Beecher realises his betrayal he is destroyed.  Keller breaks both Beechers arms and legs. After 3 months in the infirmary, terrified and broken he comes out completely cold again – and Keller has had some time to think- he  also realises that he was in love with Beecher and spends the rest of his time in Oz trying to prove his love for him. The love story that is Keller and Beecher is epic, and tragic, and never-ending. Til death do us part -baby!

Oz again actually the moment when poor old Miguel is caught between a rock and a hard place (Again!) He’s just got out of solitary where he literally went mental. His father was in prison, his grandfather was in prison, in solitary for 20 years. Its awful for Miguel and I really felt for his character. But basically the latin gang have told him unless he blinds one of the ‘hacks’ they are going to kill him. So he does it – and they put him in solitary – where he spends most of his time smearing himself in his own excrement.  Just thinking about Miguel makes me sad – his life was only ever going one way. *sniffles*


I watched Hannibal like I watch everything else, in the background while I was writing. It was slow and moody and seemingly quite dull. Then suddenly something happened and I didn’t know what was going on but I knew I needed to find out – Rewind. I watched it again – got a few episodes in and then decided my husband might like it – Rewind again. Starting at the beginning again, in the evening, with the lights out my husband and I started watching the series from the start. I realised what I had been missing was some of the best dialogue I have ever heard, intelligent and witty interactions, also an intricately woven plot. The funny thing about Hannibal is that we all know how it ends (or at least those of us who have seen Manhunter, Red Dragon or The Silence of the lambs) – Psychologist/FBI Agent Will Graham will eventually outsmart the seemingly invincible Lecter. It was an interesting choice putting Mads in the role of Hannibal because of his accent, coupled with the moodiness of the show – sometimes you had to really concentrate to understand… but only at the start.

The real draw of the show for me was an emotionally and psychologically broken Will Graham (not entirely hampered by the fact that he is played by Hugh Dancy – ahem)  And the way he processes crime scenes in order to find the killer. He becomes the killer, sees, thinks and feels what the killer feels. More than that the horror of what is happening is tangible to him. With every case he is drawn deeper and deeper towards a kind of insanity, which he receives therapy for from Doctor Lecter. As time goes on Will becomes increasingly worried that he may be a murderer himself, that he is forgetting things he needs to remember. Its brilliant when it finally does all start making sense, I’ve literally got goosebumps just writing about it.

It was this scene below – in fact this episode that really caught my attention. I still get chills when i think about everything that’s going on here.  In the show they talk about how with fishing you have to lure the fish to you, most other animals you hunt.  Its the moment just after this, when Will takes the fish inside and cuts it open- the blood triggering something else for him that really piqued my interest. Its such a clever show. I dont even want to ruin it for you. Not for the feint hearted though. Its horrific!

Visually this is one of my favourite shows too. Its a work of art. Some very disturbing things happen and yet they don’t feel gruesome. I watched this after I had written my first draft – but you can see why I liked it.

Interestingly the moment in the movie HANNIBAL RISING when we see the birth of Hannibal is one of the most horrible things I remember – If you haven’t seen the movie, look away now – but basically he’s on a farm with his little sister and the soldiers cook and eat her, and feed her to him – which is how the cannibal was born. Something broke inside him and made him justify that with further acts of cannibalism. Oh gosh, that really turned my stomach.

Anyway here’s some gratuitous ‘Will Graham’ going crazy in his underpants footage. Mmmmmmmmm

I havent watched season 3 yet.


I feel like Justified went under the radar a little. Where people raved about Breaking Bad and The Wire I rarely hear anyone mention Justified and for me its one of the best shows on TV (or it was before it finished). Although Timothy Olyphaunt’s performance as Raylan Givens is reminiscent of his role as Sheriff Bullock in the amazing show Deadwood there’s something incredibly cool about Raylan. I do like his ability to read a situation and his cool and collected menace. The other great thing about this show is Walton Goggins, who is a phenomenal actor, but although most people remember his role in The Sheild, he will always be Boyd Crowder the explosives expert and overall ‘bad guy’ of the show to me. The First series was great, with Raylans character pretty much carrying the whole show forward, as although the story was interesting, with some great hooky moments i wasnt totally Gripped. Givens is a Marshall who does something a bit  embarrassing to his district and so they ship him off back to his hometown in a Kentucky backwater.  His strained relationship with his father and his knowledge of the people and area all make for interesting confrontations as most of the characters are corrupt in one way or another.  Season 2 was when it really hit its stride for me, season 2 of Justified was one of the best complete seasons of television I have seen.


The end of the opening episode of season 2 gave me serious goosebumps and was so cold. The quick run-down is the bad guy of season 2 is a sweet old lady with 4 boys who all peddle drugs and have some anger/intelligence issues. the old lady Mags kills a single father and then takes his daughter in to raise as her own.  The way she kills him is cold , slow and brutal, and the lies she tells after are even more calculated.  There are probably too many moments to list in Justified.  later on in season three there is a scene where a man draws his gun and before he has a chance to fire someone cuts his arm off. it comes as as much of a shock to the viewer as it does to the victim (who wholeheartedly deserves it)

Here are some scenes – mostly of the great dialogue in Justified.


Anyone who remembers Prime suspect wont need me to explain what was so great about it. I did watch the American remake a few years later but I was not impressed with it.  They missed the point by a LONG shot.  I’ve re-watched the first season many times. In a lot of ways it was way ahead of its time. Helen Mirren as Jane Tennison definitely leant a certain amount of gravitas to the role. It was bleak, it was gritty, it was dark and it tackled the idea of what it means to be a monster. The show really played with our expectations – I know the first time I watched it I thought that the police had it wrong, that they were persecuting George Marlow unfairly and that Tennison’s obsession was affecting her judgement.

The moment when shes interviewing Moyra Henson, the girlfriend (played  by Zoe Wanamaker) and gets her to believe that maybe her boyfriend is lying and then breaks his alibi is brilliant. I found it chilling the way she stuck up for her boyfriend like that, even knowing in her heart that he had done it.  I was Fifteen the first time I saw this and every time I have watched it since its like watching something brilliant and new. The gruesome nature of the crimes was a new thing for a TV show, too. I would go as far as to say the recent trend of Scandinavian Dramas all have a lot in common with Prime suspect. Aside from the great characters, great plot and great dialogue there is a visual feel that corresponds with reality, its something we can relate to, its real, its something that could happen.


Southland was another under the radar show, although this time it was really under the radar. It was cancelled, brought back by fan petition TWICE and then finally ended after season 5. Strange it didn’t do so well because its one of the better police procedurals I have seen in recent years. Again I like a show where I feel like I am being taught some kind of moral lesson. Each episode would follow several characters and some how each of their stories would demonstrate some kind of shared philosophy .

There were several gripping moments to me in Southland, and it really was a character driven show, which I also like. As well as being visually different. It was formulaic but it was blatant about it, and it was poetically formulaic, so I didn’t mind it so much. Filmed like a fly on the wall documentary for the most part, it has a realism to it. Although most of the actors are familiar faces.

One of the police – officer Cooper is hiding his homosexuality at the beginning of the series, but he comes out at some point. His partner and long term friend has major homophobia and serious issues working with him and the gay jokes are aplenty but for the most part, his team are ok with it, its not as bad as he thought. In the final season Cooper and his partner Lucero are investigating a very ordinary regular traffic crime when they are taken by 2 crack-heads and taken back to some ramshackle building in what seems to be the middle of nowhere. They are bound for days, attacked and after a while sexually violated by their captors. The whole double episode where this takes place made me physically sick, it was harrowing for so many reasons. The idea that A gay man – watches helplessly as his partner – who up until recently was very close to him (and knowing full well how he feels about homosexual acts) – is basically raped by two crackheads. Also from the victims point of view, having a close friend watch as you are attacked – and then summarily murdered.  Cooper manages to escape but to say that this ordeal adds to his eventual demise is an understatement.



I like cop shows, I like the idea of a flawed authority – I like the human side of the law, the side that makes mistakes. how people deal with those mistakes – self recriminations and self loathing that come from making decisions in a position of authority. I could talk about shows like Game of Thrones that are literally made to shock, but in all honesty – because of the ‘fantasy’ aspect it doesnt hit me in the same way. The same with the Walking dead, which I love, possibly one of my favourite current shows. Because of the Zombie element I cant empathise in the same way. Like I said, I like both of those shows.

There is one exception to the fantasy rule.


I’m still angry about the way Battlestar Galactica ended. I didn’t sleep because I needed to get to the end and when I did the disappointment in one element of the story was so deep and personal that I figured I must have really loved the show to have been that bothered.

I only got round to watching this last year, and I watched all 5 seasons in a ridiculously short amount of time, I cried, I laughed, i got angry and in places I was blown away by the storytelling. It may all have been some kind of psychosis induced by lack of sleep – but judging by the things I have heard from other people – its not – its actually a good show.

Now I like Sci-Fi – when its done right its excellent. But in all honesty I would prefer a thriller.

There’s a song in the show, it comes and goes in pieces and you almost dont notice its ever-presence through the story. Battlestar Galactica is a space ship that protects the fleet of ships where the remaining inhabitants of earth, the last humans are kept. Its too intricate and involved to get into – in terms of twisty turny stories its got a lot happening. There are humans and there are cylons – robotty things – and then there are special cylons who look just like humans – all the cylons look the same, or so we are lead to believe at the start. in fact they all look like SIX  – her story is intertwined with sex obsessed Gaius Balthar – the scientist who caused the apocalypse – he sees her in his imagination – sometimes she’s real – sometimes she isn’t – its a real headfuck!

The moment when we learn the real meaning of the song in the background I think I literally exclaimed out loud – WHAT THE HELL?! so brilliant – I dont want to spoil it for anyone but the song is all along the watchtower by Jimi Hendrix and there’s a moment when it kicks in and the whole plot of everything that’s gone before falls into place – its incredible! I almost wanted to start again from the beginning and look for all the clues, my mind was totally blown, its a great feeling.


Even though this is such a key relationship in the show, most of the time its not even real, its Guyus guilt for practically exterminating the human race.

Starbuck and Apollo – I loved the strength of Starbuck, she was badass, made no apologies for who she was, knew she was flawed and just carried on regardless. Apollo was constantly trying to prove himself to his father and to Starbuck, who started out as his brothers girlfriend back on earth – his brother who died – so she was always kind of off limits. At this point I am going to say that these characters are always at the forefront of my mind when i am writing a love story, or a sex scene. The unresolved nature of their relationship just makes me cross and I think I’m always trying to find that happy ending for them (no pun intended). – Ds Imogen Grey has definitely got a bit of Starbuck in her. (even though I had already finished writing the The Teacher before I watched the show – but in book 2 I definitely would have factored Starbuck into the equation.)

This scene where they fight was so beautiful and romantic – even though they are beating the crap out of each other. they are so angry, so in love, so in hate. resentment, wanting – everything. She married someone else – with no warning very soon after declaring her love for him – so he married someone else to get back at her – years not even talking and then they get in the ring together. Their husband and wife standing ringside and basically watch their own marriages fall to pieces as Starbuck and Apollo connect again. but not for long (damn you BG writers!!!) – unfortunately the scene is no longer available – but its awesome


I’ll think of some more and I’ll write another post like this at some point –

Until next time








I LOVE graphic Novels. I used to collect Batman Graphic Novels and I have a real Batman ‘fetish’ its fair to say – although its more of a life long love affair. Aside from Batman Graphic Novels I also love Alan Moore’s Watchmen, which I discovered when I was 13 years old and it literally BLEW MY MIND. Along with The Dark Knight returns it is still one of my favourite Graphic Novels. In terms of Marvel Graphic Novels, I read the fantastic four, The Wolverine origin and THOR, I also used to buy Amazing Spider-man and x-men comics – I watched a LOT of HULK cartoons. But all in all I am definitely not only a DC girl, but a die hard Batman fan –


Growing up I always saw Iron Man as Marvels answer to Batman. I had seen him in the comics but I didn’t like him. I didn’t like Tony Stark – I thought he was brazen  – and that his ego drove him more than the will to do good. He was a show off and I didn’t much care for that. With Batman he was driven by something much darker – it was an obsession and a need to make things right – Not just justice or revenge – it was atonement – survivors guilt – the only way he could live with himself.


I’m not going to lie – I had zero interest in any Marvel characters bar Spider-Man and the X-men in terms of comics. Nothing had really grabbed me – it all seemed a little too innocuous and shallow for me. I wanted to feel my hero’s angst, I wanted to struggle along with them. Spider-man being a teenager was always quite vocal about his angst and so I kind of loved him too – plus spidey gives the best banter. Wolverine is also a really complex character. The rest however – was just too – vanilla.  I’m not saying that’s how it was – I’m saying that’s how I perceived it.


Of all the new Marvel and DC movies coming out the one I was LEAST excited about was Captain America – The First Avenger. Goody two shoes captain America – why would I care about him? Also they cast Chris Evans? Really? After that awful fantastic four movie? (That I watched a lot – because I was hungry for superhero movies – I love superheroes) To be fair to Evans he was the best thing about the fantastic four movie – and I have always liked him. I was excited about Green Lantern – that wasn’t so great. I was excited about Thor – it was good but – didn’t really stand up to repeat watches. I did really enjoy the Christopher Nolan movies – loved them – but still – it wasn’t the definitive batman for me – it was great, I watch the dark knight rises all the time – not perfect though, it wasn’t MY Batman, it most definitely could be expanded on and improved. I’m possibly one of the few people who didn’t spit my dummy out when I heard Ben Affleck was going to play Batman, and I did like his portrayal – I look forward to seeing what else is coming from him.


Going into Captain America the first Avenger I was blind. I know a lot about a lot of characters but he was someone I had read once and decided wasn’t for me so I had NO IDEA of his origin or storyline or anything. Firstly I was really impressed with the special effects – little Steve Rogers was so cleverly done – I bought it. I loved Peggy Carter and her chemistry with Steve. I LOVED Steve’s innocence and determination to BE GOOD. Also Richard Armitage hello! – the righteousness of Steve Rogers instantly hooked me – its definitely a THING I’m attracted to in a character – to have that absolute certainty that what you are doing is right – well frankly its hot. That’s a very Batman thing – admittedly its also an Iron man thing – but I guess its the motivations behind it. I should add at this point that I do like the Iron man movies – I don’t love them but I do like them – oh and I LOVE the end credits for Iron man 3. (Also all Captain America movies end credits are brilliant – so props to whoever designed those)


I’m not entirely sure what I saw when I watched the Captain America: The First Avenger – because I think I forgot a lot of the plot. Next came the Winter Soldier – and you know that moment when Steve flips the WS and his mask falls off – and he says Bucky? – WS: Who the hell is Bucky? – I was kind of with him there – WHO THE HELL IS BUCKY? I had pretty much wiped Bucky from my mind. It was explained to me and I still was a bit hazy. I didn’t even recognise it as being the same actor.



Since watching Civil War I have a Bucky Shrine around my desk  – including a Bobble head Bucky stuck to my monitor. I’m a Goth/Nerd at heart. Moody supervillain with metal arm and emo/angsty from brainwashing ???- hot. I’m now aware the Bucky’s origin is completely different in the comics but I have to say – I’m perfectly happy with the MCU version of events – this is probably more to do with the fact that I didn’t know the origin story before hand … I blow a gasket every time they do Batman wrong.


Then came Batman Vs Superman  and Civil War – I’m not going to pit the movies against each other – there are plenty of other blogs where you can read that (literally hundreds) – but what I did notice is how similar the characters of Batman and Captain America are. I would say that Captain America is much more like animated Batman (Kevin Conroy) than Ben Affleck’s version – but in case you haven’t seen any of the animated Batman TV shows or movies it doesn’t matter.


Batman has a really strong moral code – but it doesn’t necessarily match up with the worlds idea of ‘justice’ – he KNOWS what is right and ultimately he trusts very few people outside of himself – not even Superman – not really. (this is obviously explored in BVS) Batman is a contingency planner – he thinks every situation through to its end and works out how to stop the bad shit from happening – every step of the way. (This is why he always wins – essentially he is a massive pessimist and meticulous plotter) – Captain America is the same – he doesn’t trust the government, he’s learnt the hard way that you cant really trust anyone. (In Avengers Assemble he goes and finds the weapons Fury has hidden because he knows he is being lied to)  Of course this all really is the crux of the story in Civil War – he KNOWS what’s right – he knows his own judgement and morality are more reliable than those of ‘men with agendas’ – although slightly different this is why Batman never really joins the justice league – he cant be accountable to anyone but himself. This is not to say that neither of them struggle with themselves. Batman is aware that he’s not that far off being completely mental (he dresses like a bat ffs) and MCU Captain America (much like bats) struggles to fit in with society. The difference is that batman plays the part of being like everyone else through Bruce Wayne – that’s as much his mask as the costume is. Steve Rogers doesn’t get that luxury.


Also – I don’t buy Iron man’s emotional attachment to Roadie in the movies – There is still an obvious imbalance in their relationship – they are not equals – I don’t believe iron man puts anyone before himself – even when he flew up into that big hole in the sky in New York (his most noble moment by far) it felt as though it was martyrdom and little else. EVEN on signing the Accords – its to alleviate his conscience and get his girlfriend back (selfish!) Batman and Robin – batman is his mentor, his father and his friend, they respect eachother and they trust each other. Robin is the son batman never had – and ultimiately he is the boy Batman never got to be. Dick Grayson grew up to be Nightwing and remained a trusted and respected friend of Batmans. Without spoiling too much for anyone – A death in the family ripped my heart out. The image of Batman carrying Jason Todd’s body out of the debris is as powerful as it gets – apart from that one cover of The Death of Superman of Lois weeping over Supermans broken body which is also heartbreaking. Back to Dick Grayson – everyone remember that moment in Teen titans animated series when Slade Wilson offers to be Robins father – and robin says I ALREADY HAVE A FATHER cue batman music and a flurry of bats (EPIC!!!)


Cap and Bucky – Civil war really pulled me into their story – more than the previous two – although on rewatching the first 2 I see things I missed the first time around because I know so much more now – Half way through the winter soldier they basically tell you the big spoiler for the massive fight at the end of civil war in that big metal place.


Their friendship is passionate, its true and pure. Bucky is only able to find his way back because of Steve – and for Steve – the survivors guilt of watching Bucky fall to his death is gone – but replaced with a much bigger guilt of what he let happen to Bucky after that – he ultimately feels responsible for what has happened to his friend – he gave up too soon – should have fought harder. Much like the guilt facing Batman – knowing that Jason Todd was not killed but captured and tortured by the joker and turned into the Arkham Knight – who then comes after Batman – Batman gets through to Jason though and he eventually becomes the Red Hood – a vigilante. Much like – if all goes to plan – Bucky eventually becomes Captain America.


Cap fights for Bucky – protects him, because of the responsibility he feels for everything his friend went through – he also knows what a good person he is inside because of their relationship growing up – because Bucky would have done the same – because they LOVE each other. Side point – all this give captain america a boyfriend stuff is silly – a friendship that transcends romance is a much rarer thing and therefore more beautiful – I love their relationship and would hate for it to change – although I do find myself perving at some of the fan art depicting them as a couple sometimes.

The biggest difference is that Cap wants friends, he wants to trust people and see the best in them and he would give most people a second chance. He’s an optimistic Batman.

Either way as Characters, I love them both. Marvel finally won me over.

Sorry I have been a little overwhelmed with the whole getting published thingamebob but now I am back to being just whelmed in a regular way – adjusting to life and a new career as a writer.


Just write!

I hear so many people tell me they want to write a book one day. Its ALMOST  getting on my nerves how many times I hear it. Either they don’t have the time or they aren’t emotionally or mentally in the right place to write. Here’s the secret to writing a book – you just kind of have to sit down and write it. Then you rewrite it, then you edit it and just keep going until its something you’re vaguely happy with (or you go crazy).



Be open to change!

Without going into the specifics here, I kind of had a plot mapped out for the next book I wanted to write, I had gathered information, made some vague outlines. Then I watched a TV show and the plot was too similar to what I had planned and so I decided to scrap it (for now). That wasn’t annoying at all!!!!!

If you find yourself in a similar situation dont get dishearted – every story has been told before – you can either tell it from a different perspective or find a new angle – no one can write your story but YOU



Don’t be afraid of research.

Watch, read, consume ideas, read news etc – its not time wasting, its research and its important – just know when to draw the line and when you are just stalling yourself.

So I’ve had a week to mull it over and have managed on the fly to come up with something else. I have spent that week watching documentaries, reading blogs, asking questions on forums, reading articles and news reports, watching dramas, anything and everything to try and trigger some kind of story in my mind from the initial concept idea.




Your original idea may evolve and change – adapt to it and don’t see it as some kind of failure. Sometimes its the challenges and overcoming them that make writing fun!

So I had already kind of figured out a main character for the story I originally wanted to write. I managed to mostly transfer him over because all I had was a plan and a character bio. I had to tweek it slightly but it felt easier than starting completely from scratch – even though essentially its a completely different character.



I really wanted a complete outline before I started – but as with everything I do – I got so into the characters and the story that i wanted to tell that I am FAR too excited to just sit on this and wait for the rest of the plot to come to me. I have a 30% idea and that’s enough for me for now. I think I probably end up planning the story in 4 or 5 stages.


Just start!

I’ve written fifteen thousand words. that means I have roughly eighty five thousand to go (give or take!) All of that excitement I was talking about before? its been replaced with a crushing and daunting feeling mixed with the excitement of finding my characters and finding out what’s going to happen to them.

Personally I try and work on one project at a time, because I think its good to be immersed in your story.

Do it now!

The truth is there is no good time to start writing – you just have to get on with it – its all a learning process. I am still learning now!